I hate that I am writing this, it's been 5 days since the news came that our beloved Jessie Lee passed, it was NOT expected and that is the part I am having the hardest time with to be honest...the shock of it.
It was in Feb that she came to her audience and said she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer...'what the fuck?' were my actual words.
I'm not going to get into the route she took or what I believe ultimately happened when things were looking like they were moving in the right direction with her healing...you can look for that online if you need to.
What I want to write about is the way her being sick really brought up a lot of things in the way I was living. I loved JL a lot and she and I had a friendship that was predominantly online, but her effect on me was profound.
When she was healing, she talked openly about her hustle and about her need for forgiveness and healing old wounds.
Her hustle is what I found the most interesting, or the fact that she, in the blink of an eye, realized the hustle was part of what contributed to her getting sick to begin with.
I have always said that as a women, the feminine divine isn't designed to hustle the way modern women are told to hustle. I had a real person in my orbit who was experiencing the exact thing I talk about. Either you slow it down, or God/Universe will slow it down for you. And that is what she said, "God knew the only way to slow me down was this"- Jessie Lee.
For months now I have been in a state of chaos inside myself.
Sort of jumping between different (but also same) things that I enjoy, but that also make me money. I am in the middle of my real estate licence, but even that is kind of on hold right now. Why?
Well, the truth is the hustle of it all has gotten to me.
The hustle of building an "empire" is, well, fucking exhausting...especially to the feminine energy.
Do you relate?
If I am being honest, I have been building something since I was about 11, when I got my first job as a babysitter for newborn twins and a 5 year old.
I have had so many projects, businesses, jobs...you name it, I have had it...but it's really been one thing all along, "hustle". I have been addicted to it.
As I watched Jessie Lee's lives and content and messages, I knew over and over again, this was important, talking about this is important. And beyond important to write about, I have to live it now too.
Because it's not natural for us as women to work this hard at creating safety. Because building or hustling is really about creating safety.
You've heard me talk about the mature masculine, here's a post where I go deeper on the topic.
When a women feels certain things, she will eventually go into the masculine energy.
I like to call it our Hunter Mode.
If we feel unsafe, unseen, or misunderstood over time, we will go into the Hunter Mode and it becomes VERY hard to come out of it.
So for the last 30 plus years in society, that is what has happened.
Men are confused about how to be men, women are confused about how to be women, the whole thing is actually really fucked up right now. And women are becoming sick and burnt out.
You couple that with the fact that many women over 40 haven't been taught that it's ok to need healing and forgiveness etc, you've got some sick and burnt out chicks.
So what does this have to do with me. Or you?
I have come to see somethings in the last few months.
The biggest one?
👉🏻I am fucking exhausted...period.
👉🏻I am tired and I am no longer about to deny it just to tell myself that I am only tired because I have to fulfill my mission.
My mission isn't to burn out.
My mission is to teach, to make it ok for women like you and me to say what we need to say.
To make it ok to say that you're tired.
I have been pushing for as long as I can remember.
I need a break.
I need to not push.
I need to slow down.
I have come to a place now where I am slowing down.
And I am ok with it.
I have put a lot of thought into what's next and for me, it's manifesting a new kind of life.
❤️A life that I make money because it's fun, not because I have to.
❤️A life where I can pour into a new relationship that doesn't require me to lead it all the time.
❤️A life where I can support someone else's mission.
❤️A life where I taking care of my home allows for the feminine divine to really shine.
❤️A life where I am building a business that doesn't feel like life or death, but feeds me in a totally different way.
❤️A life where I travel more.
❤️A life where enjoying my future man is fun and fulfilling for me because we BOTH have done the work to understand the dynamics of the masculine and feminine energies.
Where the hustle isn't the end goal anymore, peace is my end goal.
Look ladies, we've been lied to.
We've been told by government, feminists, society, that we LOVE the hustle.
That we have to do all the things men do...it's not true, at least for me.
We've largely been told that we don't need men...this is so far from the truth it's scary.
Ask yourself the following:
Who built the house you live in?
Who built the road you drove on today?
Who built the car you're driving?
Who created the infrastructure of your town or city?
Who dug the wells for our water?
The list can literally go on and on, the narrative that "we don't need men" is asinine and I for one will never say that statement ever!
I have always lived this way and now, at 47, I am done living this way. I don't want to do this hustle solo anymore.
💕I want more peace.
💕I want more safety, that doesn't ONLY come from me, but from a loving relationship.
💕I want to fully express my nuturing, vulnerable, creative side with full committment that goes beyond my children and my clients.
I have spent years talking about this stuff, while still denying myself this kind of existence.
Isn't that crazy, how we can teach others how to be happier, but we miss it for ourselves?
I am committing to feeling the way I want to feel in this new season.
I am going to slow down and get on the vibration that will allow me to attract this new kind of life. The tricky part is that I have never had that kind of life, so it means that I have to really double down on creating the vision BEFORE it manifests in the 3D.
The beautiful part? I have manifested tons of things this way, so this too will manifest.
Jessie Lee, if you are near me or hear me, thank you sis.
You have taught me that I can't wait a day longer to slow my shit down.
You have taught me that I can still be a women who will build things, but at the pace that will give me a life that isn't the normal hustle it used to be.
I am so sad you're gone, honestly, I still can't fucking believe it...your legacy will live on, but the personal lessons I have received just by knowing you are life changing, so thank you for that.